A friend's daughter who is taking her PSLE exams this year, writes with a simple and natural flair and has none of the cliches evident in most kids' essays (regurgitated from model answers).
Hannah was so inspired after reading that piece of work that she also wanted me to post her own composition (which was done in school) in my blog. No score was given for the composition except for the teacher's comment. Although most of the sentence structures seemed rather abrupt, I am pleased that she has taken a keen interest in writing.
Write a story of at least 80 words based on the pictures below (scene of a birthday party that led to a quarrel). You may use the words and phrases in the box. You are encouraged to include other relevant points to make your composition interesting.
"selfish" "quarrelled" "rude" "lonely" "happily" "snatched" "stamped her feet" "sad" "forgave"
"cried"
After the birthday party, we walked to Jade's playing corner. Jade was a very hot-tempered and selfish little girl. While Helena was playing with a teddy bear, Jade snatched and berated her, "Don't you ever touch it again!" "I'm sorry..." stuttered Helena. Jade was even angrier when she heard that short apology. She began shouting and stamping her feet. She was making such a racket that I suggested leaving her alone. Sean and Dean were also complaining what a nuisance she was. All this while, she continued to shout and scream.
Finally, we could not put up with her rude behaviour and left her standing alone in a corner, sobbing very badly. When Helena, Dean, Sean and I heard her sobbing, we said, "Serves her right!". We started to play among ourselves and ignored Jade. Jade just stood in the corner and watched us. Then she realised her folly and came up to apologise to us. We forgave Jade and played happily together.
Teacher's comments: Good vocabulary.
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5 comments:
Wow, Hannah has an excellent sense of the language for her age! Wonderful writing style. And she uses sophisticated words but not in the memorise-good-phrases way so it comes across as very natural.
Well done, Hannah!!
Thank you, Monica. You know that I value yours and Lilian's comments very much cos both of you are such excellent writers!
Will show Hannah your comments. Bet she will be very pleased with herself! Haha.
Thank you VVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRYYYY MUCH!:):D:D:):D
Wow, really impressive. Her grammar is perfect and she has such a wide vocab. My boys can't write like that leh...
Good job Hannah...please write more cos practice makes perfect, plus we'll get to read more of your work!
Thank you, Aunty Monica and Aunty Lilian.
Hannah
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